SNARKY PREGNANCY

Size: 4x6

pregnant? you mean you're a body builder?

expecting a baby is like picking someone up from the airport except you don't know who they are or what time the flight comes in.

ready and willing to throat punch the next person who comments on how big you're getting

each month of pregnancy ranges from 30-31 days, except the last one. that one is about 1435 days

pro tip: your partner is pregnant. don't eat the last... anything

when people congratulate you, say, "for what? just freak what?" just to freak them out.

pregnancy: when your belly button starts looking exactly like a cat's butthole