Monday Memes

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Fixing typos in your texts is for cowards. If I message someone “whtat you dong toncifjt” it’s up to them to figure it out. 

My plants: please sir, I need water, I am dying. My plants after I water them: wow that was way too much water jackass, fuckng idiot.

don’t expect me to stop if you’re broken down by the side of the road. you were offered an extended car warranty several times.

The bok we really needed was “What to do 17 years after you were expecting."

kindness is my go-to but fuck off is my wingman

meh good enough mediocrates socrates

good heart bad mouth 4 creative juice coffee mug

when i say no worries, i mean no worries for you, because they’re all mine now. i have anxiety. i have all the worries. i’m stealing yours. none for you. if you wanted them, that’s too bad.

i’m not a morning person or a night person, but i’m usually good for about 15 minutes in the afternoon

i tried starting my day without coffee once. my court date is pending

i just opened a can of worms and it’s hardly the chaos advertised

PEOPLE LOVE TO HATE ON MONDAYS, BUT TUESDAYS? ALSO BAD. WEDNESDAY IS NO PRIZE, EITHER.

Today, I worked from home, ran 10 miles, made a delicious dinner, read a book and got to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.